coyote: (dark crystal)
I'm going to copy and paste this here because I want it somewhere that I'll remember. And I figured y'all would appreciate this too.


"You know what? You get to that point where there's no more excuses; no more sitting around analyzing picking apart tapping the pulse of the profound searching for revelations coming to conclusions defining defying denying yourself for the sake of whatever the hell any of it is worth.

No one who is truly worth a damn gets lucky. You fucking work for it. You put in the time. You make something of your life, put the whole worth of your energy into that something, and you earn it because you wanted it bad enough or believed in it and what it had to say.

So. No one else to blame but yourself. Quit looking at the past, because that's done and gone and all you got is right now so how are you going to make yourself in that time? What are you going to DO?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

*cracks knuckles* Motherfuckers, I AM GOING TO WRITE MY BOOK."

By Sarah Frary, originally posted on her livejournal.
coyote: (believe)
I honestly will write more this year. I really really will.

But for now I just want to say.

2013 has already been a wonderful year. <3 I love you all.
coyote: (lion king stars)

My mouth is full of cotton, my head of words and dust, my eyes are full of sleep.
My feet are full of lead, my hands with "shoulds" and "musts," and nothing for myself to keep.

All the dogs have allergies, the cats keep licking everything, and I'm getting in too deep.

It's been one of those days. What do I stand for?
coyote: (Default)
I'm going to the woods. I'm going to the woods. I'm going to the woods.

My heart is singing this chant right now. It aches. It yearns. I couldn't need this more.

I'll be in the Ozarks camping for five days. My soul needs a recharge. No computer. No internet. I'll be with Ash and her family but I'm going to run into the woods by myself whenever possible and yip and make mischief and creep up behind people and scare them and not wear shoes and bring my tail and oh my god I need this so bad as I'm typing I'm crying. I'm such a baby.

I'm going to the woooooOOOOOOooooods!

sxsw yote.

Mar. 9th, 2012 11:06 pm
coyote: (coyote storm)
Life has been crazy, insane, and all manner of frantic and busy and AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

But I'm spending the next few days at SXSW Interactive for the second year in a row, thanks to some amazingly wonderful friends and an awesome sponsor who already does so much for me. I'm so thankful for the friends I have and the people who keep me going. That includes you all.

So much to learn, so much to do, so many people to talk to. The next few days are going to be a whirlwind.

(I miss you all!)

(Oh, and if you're on Twitter, you should all follow designcoyote because I'll be tweetings lots of fun SXSW stuff.)
coyote: (Default)
I have been sick since last week Sunday. I'm finally getting better, thankfully, but it wasn't until Thursday night that I finally kicked the fever I had had for five days. And I'm still stuffy and coughing and have a sore throat. But I don't feel like I'm dying so that's improvement, right? I did take my temperature this morning because Ash said I was warm and I'm at a mid-99 degrees. Here's praying it doesn't go back up. My body and immune system are just shot apparently. I missed an entire week of work, I can't do that again. I'm really just sick of being sick.

We picked up a slew of vitamins Friday night, and some Vitamin C which I've been eating like candy. I have a HUGE meeting at 7am on Wednesday with an author and thought leader that I'm really excited about. He wants me to teach him social media. Plus I have a shit ton of projects I am so behind on at work and I know I'm going to be hearing about it from my boss. So yeah. Not fun. I don't care if I'm still sick tomorrow, I'm going to work this week and I'll just deal with it.

I'm also behind in pretty much everything else. So I'm frustrated, irritated, and depressed. Thankfully, I recognize this is just because I'm sick of being sick because I'm also really excited and hopeful about some new freelance projects I've just picked up AND my one year plan to become my own boss is taking shape. And it's going to be awesome.

Right. I'm going to go draw some pretty pictures.
coyote: (coyote storm)
I've been following this movie for a year now and I was so excited to finally see the trailer for it on TV and as a preview before Beauty and the Beast (OMG it was amazing to see on the big screen!).

And then... and then... the music.

2 things.

1) Oh Miyazaki you do it again. The trailer just looks amazing and I am so excited because I love the Borrowers and the story just looks beautiful.


2) LISTEN TO THE MUSIC IN THE TRAILER! I effing spazzed out at Ash when the music started playing and she had know idea why. I almost stood up I was so excited. It just makes my heart happy. Miyazaki using some of the most spiritually moving music ever? Agh. I don't want to give it away who it is so JUST LISTEN. :D

That's all. (Oh, also, I cannot wait until Brave comes out. That movie looks amazing too.)


Jan. 12th, 2012 10:23 pm
coyote: (coyote sun)
Without fail, the smell of kinnick kinnick brings me back to a better place, my meditation rock, a safe space.

Bear berries, red willow, osha roots, mullen and yerba santa flowers.

I have a small pack of it that I refuse to burn and simply use to smell. It works wonders.
coyote: (coyote stare)
Coyote is so much more to me than just a guide. A pathfinder. A totem. A spirit animal. Coyote is my soul, my reflection, the part of me older than the outer shell.

I look at Coyote and my heart cries out in recognition, "That's me! That's me!" The ears, the eyes, the muzzle, the red fur - that's what I expect to see when I look in a mirror. That's who I feel inside. That's the shape of my soul.

There's just a deep deep wrongness about this body of mine. I wish the shell reflected the identity inside. Coyote is RIGHT. Coyote is ME.

coyotecoyotecoyote. silly little barking sun dog.

and this.

Nov. 23rd, 2011 12:03 am
coyote: (Default)
Oh! I kept meaning to ask this and only now remembered. A few weeks ago at the Texas Renfaire I picked up a coyote face in good condition. She's a little flat though and I wanted to perk her up and give her ears some life and possibly shape her out a little. Does anyone have any taxidermy tips? I've never tried anything like this and I don't want to make any dumb mistakes.

Ash is still weirded out by my adoration of Coyote to this extent and makes me keep the face (and fur from you guys, Oz and Blais) out of her sight. Thankfully, the man I got it from explained to her that none of the furs he had where from trophy hunters and instead were either from roadkill or Fish and Game. He simply took the furs to give them new life and so nothing would go to waste. We talked to him for quite a while and you could see it in his eyes the deep respect he had for these animals. Ash was so impressed by him that she asked to take his picture to which he complied with a very large and sincere smile. I'll have to find the picture. He had a good soul. The face still freaks her out though.

Also... a friend at work today told me I had "a wild heart" and told me that someday he'd like to see me in the woods instead of in an office. Without knowing any of my background, he said "the image was just right" in his head.

I'm glad I haven't completely lost it.


Nov. 4th, 2011 09:51 am
coyote: (Default)
I am embracing the wilderness within me.

Yesterday a co-worker told me, "Nikki, you really are Coyote."

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.
coyote: (coyote storm)
Sometimes I forget I'm human. I panic and I bite and I scratch and I am an animal with teeth.

Lions everywhere. One tiger.

Big ears. Kiyote storyteller with no history.

I can't think straight right now. I want to bite everything.

I'm sick with the flu and in the middle of the night I swear I saw a unicorn and my fever broke.

I'm delirious.


Oct. 12th, 2011 06:01 pm
coyote: (Default)
We had to put our oldest dog down yesterday.

I'm still numb over it. I miss her. Her happy face. Her thump-thump-thump tail against the door (or anything really).

Baby was 13. Had tumors and probably cancer and we had done so much and there was nothing left to do. I've never had to make that decision before. It was heartbreaking.

It still is.

Life isn't fair.
coyote: (canine love)
I love Austin. I LOVE the Austin Police Department. I love this city so much.

Where Boston is a shithole of police brutality right now, Austin is the beaming light of what this Occupation is supposed to be like.

The police have blocked off the busy downtown streets so the protestors can march down main street without fear of cars. They sit on the capitol steps with us and take pictures and the protestors are shouting out loud "We love you!" to the police men and women.

It is love here. I'm so proud of this city.

The one arrest? An underage girl out past curfew...

the video. Watch till the end. When they start chanting APD in support of the officers and what they do.

How is this city in the middle of Texas? I never want to live anywhere else. I've never felt so safe in a city before.

At the same time... I wish I were in Boston. I wish I was on the front lines. Hell, I wish I were in Dallas right now where shit is about to hit the fan as well. I wish I was somewhere that I could really fight.

But I love Austin. I am so so proud to call this place home.

(If you care, google OccupyAustin youtube videos for some amazing, heartfelt singalongs, beautiful people, and solidarity of the 99percent working side by side in the most peaceful and loving ways.)

Thank you, Austin.


Sep. 10th, 2011 03:37 pm
coyote: (Default)
Because I know at least one person who will find this as amusing as I do (*coughOZcough*).

Pony Creator

Hours of time today just GONE.

Also. Somebody (*coughOZcough*) has inspired me to start creating my own MLP designs. Fantastic.

But first. To garden.


Sep. 5th, 2011 06:03 pm
coyote: (Default)
This is my life right now.


We need rain here in Texas. Badly.

That's a picture from Big Dog Rescue's Facebook page. They're located in the Austin area, and their Vice President just had her house burned down and they're looking for fosters to take in animals displaced. The Bastrop County Animal Shelter was evacuated as well and thanks to the awesome folks at Austin Pets Alive and the Austin Humane Society, all the animals were saved and they're looking for donations and temporary fosters.

If you're in Texas and want to help in some way, check out the Help For Fire Victims Facebook page and keep updated with the news on the Statesman, they've been on top of everything. It's been crazy down here, and today is supposed to be worse. If you haven't heard, Central Texas is being hit HARD with fires right now. The biggest being the one in Bastrop that has burned up to 25,000 acres since yesterday, jumped the Colorado River twice, and has desecrated more than 300 houses. Over 5,000 people have been evacuated so far, and a mother and her 18-month-old child were killed. The winds from the recent hurricane aren't helping. You can check out the placement of all fire activity on this page.

Ash and I are in east Austin and while the fires are supposedly moving away from us, we've still come up with our evacuation plan (packing up 20 animals is no easy feat). Standing outside in our front yard, the smell of smoke is strong. It's scary. If we didn't have so many fosters already, I know we'd both be at the shelter taking in animals right now. I'll be continually nagging friends all day to make sure they're okay.

Please send good thoughts, positive vibes, and lots of rain.


Updated since then: We are packing up important stuff now and sticking it in the cars. You can see the smoke clouds now from our house and the smell is intense and makes my eyes water. All the animals are on standby near designated kennels.

Please please please send rain.


Jun. 23rd, 2011 01:32 pm
coyote: (Default)
There is SO much I need to update with.

No time at the moment, BUT, a friend of mine and I are working on weekly sketch challenges to get our art brains working again. Here are the first four weeks.

Art Dump )

Will write soon. Hope everyone is well!
coyote: (lion king stars)
I am a goldfish dancing in circles within a great sphere of light
and you are nothing but a cat trying to steal the sheen of my scales.
I spin in a storm of ups and downs and bubbles and stars and
wave upon wave
upon wave upon
hopes and dreams and everything between
the great sea bed and the great goddess Moon above.

If I were to breathe into your lungs I would suffocate you
and drown you
and keep you in my dark sea witch lair and you'd never see the sun again.

The cat thinks it has the plan
to catch a star
to catch a fish
to catch a drink and make a wish
and it thinks it has me all figured out.

A little golden sundrop in a translucent bowl of obvious opportunity.
I am not that easy.
They use fish as bait for a reason.
I shimmer and move and make
and dance with the earth as it quivers and quakes
and I can become a shark within seconds after you dip that sweet little paw in,
that dainty little paw.

You think your claws will scare me.
You think I couldn't pull you under all the way, deep into the dark abyss of stormy tides
and mile wide trenches and a gloomy underworld of manipulative merfolk
with glassy eyes and dead fish between their teeth.
I know things that you don't and I see things that you won't
and I have been closer to hell than you ever will in any of your nine lives.

I dance in the light and my scales gleam bright as the sun;
A golden treasure a king would be proud to have served upon a royal dish.
I dance and tease and tempt and wait and wish
for that delicate little paw to try and claw his way to my heart.

But I am a goldfish
and nothing more.
I can't fly, can't walk, can't run away from your mighty talk,
can't wiggle my way onto the floor,
can't make a hasty dash to the door.
You see me hide my eyes afraid to look,
an innocent creature with a virgin tail and nothing more.
I have a memory of three seconds
and eternity.
I'll ask for a kiss
and nothing more.

I am a goldfish swimming in circles within a glass bowl and nothing more
and you are a cat looking for his next easy meal.
We are trapped in a storm of ups and downs and bubbles and stars and
waves upon waves
upon endless waves of
hopes and dreams and everything inbetween
what's outside the water and what's in
and we are planning the demise
of our own reflections.

There is no fish and there is no cat
and all I can say about that is there is no glass bowl between the two
and there is only a universal urge to trap each other in our own whims.

I write poetry to keep the fish moving
and I write poetry to keep the cat fed and
it is an existential existence from beginning to end.


Someday I want to be a Slam poet. And someday I will record this so you can hear how it goes. But first I'd have to find some guts.

I'm supposed to be cleaning. I should be cleaning. I would rather work on my painting and write poetry, but I am full of shoulds all the time and that is where I'm headed.

Plus. I like when the ferrets are clean.

Edit: Most likely, no one will listen, BUT, this is a practice in doing things that make me uncomfortable.

Man, I hate that sound of my own voice.

Edit2: Ash just said I say "I" funny. I do. Every time I hear it I start laughing. Oh god. Sorry. XD
coyote: (small snail)
I'm extremely frustrated with my art right now. I can't draw.

Actually. Apparently I can draw goldfish. And nothing else.

Ash is gone for most of the weekend so I guess this is what I'll do.

Draw goldfish.

(Don't be surprised if I start photoboothing more pictures of myself in boredom. Expect goldfish.)

"That explains the squirrels at the bus stop."

Also watching a whole lot of Daria.


Apr. 21st, 2011 07:23 pm
coyote: (coyote up)
And because that post was so dark, I need something to lighten my heart.

Ash and I got our domestic partnership certified by the state of Texas today. It was sudden and spontaneous because I have been fighting for the past year for my company to include domestic partnerships in their insurance. Finally. After a long battle, they finally approved.

The dp itself isn't that big of a deal. But it's a symbol for standing up for what's right. It is rare when I feel like my voice is really heard. But this week was incredible. I couldn't believe when they announced it. There were only two of us in the company fighting for this. Two of us. In a sea of a hundred. And we were heard. I wanted to stand on the county clerk's desk and shout out to everyone that I helped change the world today.

People are making a big deal about the dp. It's really not. We aren't engaged. Not married. In the state of TX, you don't get anything for a dp unless your company gives out the insurance benefits. And that's what it was for. It was for benefits. And that in itself was the big deal.

Anyway. Austin, I love you. For being the only city in the entire state of Texas to recognize same-sex couples. I love this place.


coyote: (Default)

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