Apr. 12th, 2011

coyote: (greenman faerie)
My tail is trouble. I have been incredibly clumsy lately and I blame my tail. No matter how invisible it is, it still knocks over every drink on every surface. Thank you, tail.

I have been very self-deprecating lately and I loathe myself for it (oh you cruel cycle). I don't know why since so much seems to be going right lately. But that's how it is. I feel like whenever anything good is happening to me, my depression takes control and my moods take a nosedive. How fucked up is that?

In the pit of my stomach is this tight ball of negative energy that keeps eating away my stomach lining. Coyote seems malicious almost and I have an inkling as to why. I've been neglecting myself. Which is dumb because I've always only been thinking of myself lately. Just not the important things, you know? I need to focus on what makes me who I am, and instead I'm focusing on all the things that don't.

Things that make me happy:

My tail (even if it is clumsy)
Chai tea
My car
Fluffy puppies
Rat kisses
Miyazaki movies
My shadow (with my tail)
Warm, windy nights

And more. But that's good for now. Rabbit is slowly trying to coax me back into the humble and the warmth and the positive. Into the comfort of the truth that I am, if not all the time, mostly good. And mostly good is probably the best anyone can be. There is too much darkness in even the most happy individual. We can't completely escape the primitive parts of our mind. But we can embrace that part and learn how to live with it. That's what I'm trying to do. To regain my balance with the night and the shadows. Rabbit is there and Coyote always. And more.

I really do need to write about my guides. They are prominent in my life even when I turn away.

Alright. I'm done for now.


coyote: (Default)

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